if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I have post one night stand depression
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