Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
