dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
