go do what you do best...puke behind churches
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
