he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
