You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Girls should come with a carfax report
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
