This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
