i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
