I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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