i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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