Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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