it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
