the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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