You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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