you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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