go do what you do best...puke behind churches
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
