I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
