My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
