I'm so fucking centered right now
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
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