i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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