Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
