I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
