his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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