and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Randomize