he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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