i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
