If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
