Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
