You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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