my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
