This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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