why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize