that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
