I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
