Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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