remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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