What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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