My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
