how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
