how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
