Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
