Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
