the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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