Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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