Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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