i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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