So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
