Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
