nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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