would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
