Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
