Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
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