I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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