***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
