Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
