At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize