the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
