nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
