Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The uberlube is also flammable
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Randomize
