Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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