i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
i think we sleep fucked last night...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
