last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
