Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I understand Curling. That high.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
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