just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
