last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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