In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
