So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
