Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize