between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
