Betty ford says i'm here all night
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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