Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
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