never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
They took my balls.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize