The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
