Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I intend to get homeless drunk
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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