for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
