When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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