So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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