Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Who died my cat blue again?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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